I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
