Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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