I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
