I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize