Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to cum in my sink.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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