My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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