if you like me you must not know who I am
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
