YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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