omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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