Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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