its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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