Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
