Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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