I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
