It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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