I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You took a bar mat shot.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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