i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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