I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
