I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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