I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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