he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
