How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
