Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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