the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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