I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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