is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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