dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
