I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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