Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
false alarm, still single
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
