Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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