just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
