I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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