Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
