I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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