You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize