i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
