you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
