I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
