I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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