Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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