I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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