how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize