so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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