hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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