Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
