I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
