So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
