i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
