is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize