Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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