wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
