you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
