So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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