so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
