Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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