So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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