You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
