Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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