Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
