You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
