You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
